No-Cosby-Thanksgiving

I was seventeen when I discovered Thanksgiving-just as Columbus discovered America of course! I immediately fell in love...and in hate...with it. You see the love part was easy-I loved the food! The hate part...hmmm...bit more complicated....it always left me feeling like a social outcast....as if there was an underlying message that if I didn't belong to some picture perfect Billy-Cosby-Show  type immediate family circle then I wasn't really privy to the celebrations..(pout..) made me feel like an impostor- regardless of whether I was participating in the feast or not. Grrr!! Thanksgiving over the years I found was not only gathering some heavy calories around my waist but also sneaking in some emotional luggage into me too! Then came the turning point a few years ago...my attitude! TA-DA!!!

So how was Thanksgiving 2013? When I realized I would be spending it alone....at first there was that oddly familiar build of anxiety...but I soon decided to put my new mottos to the test: 'the whole world is my backyard and everyone is a relative or a friend' -combined with 'we're never alone in any experience'- after all-right? Inspired-I now figured I must volunteer at DC Kitchen to cook for less fortunate amongst us...but of course I was too late...they were overbooked with volunteers...so naturally I decided I should then make it a fabulous celebratory experience instead....why of course! So I created an impromptu invite with an open guest list... consisting mainly of my new found friends that I'd met via my adventurous activities through out the year.

The goal was to find anyone without plans to come together for a hike and a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at a fancy-cozy restaurant. Lo-and-Behold! Next thing I know I landed up spending my day on a fantastic ten miles hike with over thirty sunny-happy-people and then post-hike sharing a fabulous dinner with a group of eleven relatively new friends who easily flowed into family status....just like that...by sharing stories, laughter and making connections over a mouth-watering spread of a traditional holiday meal....and the best part...no dishes, no cleaning up....just happy easy smiles all the way to the end of our day....from the wait staff to the crowded jovial oddly familial restaurant atmosphere...what a perfect holiday it turned out to be!

Proof of serendipity? At dinner we sat under an upside down XMas tree hanging from the ceiling...which gave me the biggest smile as I realized I did indeed have my Bill-Cosby-Show type family gathering after-all...I just needed to flip my perspective to get it right. Lol! 

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Some more pictures from our hike and dinner-An Inspired Thanksgiving 2013:

Brrr....cold morning...but warm smiles starts the day

WOW! The Great Falls Overlook!

A shy friend poses for camera:-)

We had the largest  and loudest table in the crowded restaurant- and the ultra friendly and humorous wait-staff continued to give us the gift of a truly jovial familial atmosphere

YUMMY!! Turkey dinner with all the fixings!!<3 I would've loved this even if I hadn't just completed a ten plus miles hike in the cold! YAY!!

Thanksgiving pumpkin pie!! Slurp!! Like falling in love all over again with the same person I guess!

AH!!!! LIFE IS GOOD!!! GRATEFUL!!! 

Lonely-NOT!!

For me loneliness became a way of life almost three decades ago as a kid when I got displaced from my country of origin and my original family. What I also realized pretty early in life was that loneliness had nothing to do with people around me; as a student in NYC I learned that sometimes being in a crowd is indeed lonelier; and then again being in a marriage that did not suit me took my sense of loneliness to brand new heights right off the charts even. Little did I know what I realize now that loneliness is actually a choice and that it takes a lot of time and effort to cultivate and maintain within us.

Our species overpopulates the planet so being alone physically takes effort doesn't it? So we’re hardly ever alone really.…and in fact not only physically but in all our human experiences we are truly never alone….Wasn't it Socrates that said we humans are not capable of an original idea? Well…it makes sense…no thought nor emotion is exclusive to any one of our experiences; we share all of it with everyone around us. I even believe that our emotions come in a spectrum of colors like in a rainbow…and regardless of the complexity of our individual stories…each of us will experience every color in that rainbow during our lifetime albeit in different patterns and doses…our experiences are regardless completely shared.…for that is the very purpose of our time here-isn't it?

Perhaps it’s from coming to terms with so much of my own fears and pain…that the clouds finally began lifting from my vision…so it feels like the flood gates are opening up to show me that I’m surrounded by so many magical beautiful colorful souls all around me every day.….every passerby has something I can relate to or admire...…sometimes someone’s a bit tired…sometimes a bit lost….and like I used to be...sometimes just cloaked in fear and pain….and sometimes they are even aware….but mainly I feel so fortunate right now that I am blessed to see a world filled mostly with so much good than bad….and if I just took the time to approach individuals around me with an open heart and an open mind….a kind word….or a knowing smile…it is suddenly totally apparent….the big secret…that the world is my backyard and that everyone around me is a relative or a friend. Go figure!! The key was always in my hand….the secret to open up and let others in…to let go…to share together the wonders of our short and precious time right here, right now with laughter, love and kindness. Loneliness…well it’s just no longer my choice! Why waste anything beautiful by keeping it hidden away…we are all just that....and each of us deserves to be open and true to ourselves and to others. KUMBAYA-Style!! Why not!! 

Weekly Vacations!

This is another lesson learned in life: vacations are not savings accounts to be locked away for a rainy day. Every weekend is a perfect opportunity for vacations and not to be wasted sitting on a couch with a remote or lost running household errands (I read that a clean house is a  sign of a good life wasted; there's some wisdom in that!). Get outside...venture off into nature...drive an hour or more and all sorts of options open up to revive your spirit. Here is how I may spend a Saturday...perhaps kayaking with new friends (via Meetup.com)....and it's totally affordable... at most a full tank of gas and a few pleasant hours of drive time. The returns? refreshed and happy me on Monday mornings! Yup!! Totally recommended!!

And this is what I had posted as my Facebook status the night I returned home from a day trip where I took these pictures: 

'WOW!!! No pictures or words can really capture this but visually today was probably the most mystically beautiful day of my life. We drove 11 hrs, and kayaked 7 hrs (border between NC and VA) through an enchanting swamp which eventually opened up to a huge bewitching mirror like lake; the water was unlike anything I've ever seen before...phenomenally reflective and calm...yet upon closer inspection actually black like Turkish coffee from all the leaves that fall into it and dye it that way apparently. Surreal! It created this alluringly serene atmosphere and the most fantastic illusions -like I was sitting on a glass surface that span through infinity while reflecting all the beauty of the bluest of skies and the prettiest of fall colors from these hauntingly gorgeous old trees as well. The crazy thing is that often the reflections in the water were almost clearer than its real-life counterparts; Truly a rare glimpse of nature playing Narcissus in all it's magnificent glory. We even paddled up close to countless adorable little turtles and got pretty close to a young black bear to watch it climb up and down two tall trees playfully as it peered back at us too cautiously. Can't believe this was not some out of body experience; Certainly felt like it! In complete and utter awe! When we finally left there I received a drunken call from my precious brother who couldn't stop telling me how much he loved me-adding to this already dreamy perfect magical day! What an experience!! Grateful seems like an understatement for this day!'

Birthday Revelations

Used to dread birthdays! Even before moving to the US and finding that it always fell on or around Thanksgiving. That poor skinned turkey on the table always took center stage over me and I was not pleased. Really it was a bit more complicated and traumatizing than me being jealous of a stuffed dead bird but that’s another story.  It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I had a revelation about birthdays! It dawned on me that it was never supposed to be about the cake or whether someone remembered to wish me or not, or if someone cared to plan a party or not but mostly it was never supposed to be a test for the people in my life to prove that they cared about me or not. Gosh!! Birthdays! How on earth did I ever manage to miss the entire point of it for so many years!!?

See there is valid reason why it’s a tradition to celebrate the day you know! Birthdays should be some of the most memorable days of our lives after all because it’s the day when you have to stop to realize first and foremost that you are truly actually alive and breathing ….translates as there is a whole world and an entire life of infinite possibilities still available for you. It’s about taking the time to stop to honor the milestone of a year that has passed-what an absolute privilege it is to be here right? It’s the time to acknowledge with all your heart all your blessings and accomplishments throughout the year; it’s about showing your gratitude to the universe for all of it-perhaps health, family, friends, your career, living in a land with peace and no war…that list we take for granted no matter who we are and where we live is always longer than we can see in reality….but don’t forget also to recall if you took the time to give anything back that was positive too-you know you probably did whether intentionally or not-even just by smiling at a random passer-by; So go ahead and celebrate you too! The universe obviously thinks you’re all that right?

I now grasp that birthdays are even about envisioning new dreams and planning new resolutions for the coming year and for praying that you will have the opportunity again to see it all through. Once I finally understood the true meaning of birthdays my heart rejoiced so naturally so completely that I needed to share its magic with everyone….after all there is so much on my list…my heart is jumping for joy for everything that the year has brought and even tingling with excitement from the mysterious promises of the future. It makes sense now why there is a cake or parties as an afterthought for such a fantastic occasion. Do celebrate birthdays- not just the day but the entire week in fact to reflect upon those blessings and thank everyone in your life for being there and laugh with them, give them a big hug and maybe find more ways to give something back into the universe which so generously bestows these gifts upon us even when we take so much of it for granted so often. Voila! On that note I am so ready to bask in the glory of my 40^th birthday this week!! YIPPEEE-YAY!! Happy Birthday and Happy Un-Birthday to all of us-today here and now! Why the heck not!! 

Heart-break fixer-upper!

When you fall in love with someone who rejects your heart - (even after you lavishly offer it up on some priceless diamond platter) - do you know what is the next course of action? Here’s some Butterfly-Mused advice: throwing rocks at the perpetrator may feel like a perfectly valid response- but definitely don't do this! Besides it might not be legal. Lol. So- let's consider some more constructive options!

Now, first and foremost, if you must sit around moping with a broken heart - (which is totally your perogative and even recommended since the acknowledgement phase of experiences should never be skipped) - you will discover that when wounded your heart can quickly weigh heavier than all the globally distributed world trade center buildings combined and worse you may find that your stomach begins to bubble and churn like some massive volcano about to explode badly enough to go down in history for substantially destroying at least a few of the neighboring states....well why not indulge it…just a little bit!? Go ahead -give into some self-imposed dramatic misery… butterfly style of course.....which means that you’re on a timer here - so please pull out your calendars right away and plan it all out to a tee! And this actually counts towards phase one of the fixer-upper process!

Mark down how many days or weeks you would like to dedicate to your self-destructive action plan and how you would like each hour and day to look like precisely; for example you can say I give this heartache four weeks max (never more than that but if you can do it in less time, then more power to you, my friend!); Now during those four weeks say…I plan to listen to every sorry assed love song I can find to help me cry enough to spend up to $15 dollars max on Kleenex boxes…then I plan to torture at least two of my closest friends with endless repetitious painful stories (remember this has to be more painful for the listener than you; it’s a necessary evil!) about how your perpetrator was meant to be the one or pour out all the memories over and over again of all those things he or she said to warrant the delusions of true love on your part...after all it always starts off with perfect mutual attraction and mutual guilt responsibilities-Right!? That's just a given! Now your continued planning should include tormenting at least three of your most inquisitive or patient colleagues too! However far more importantly don't forget to utilize your best free resources out there! These are of course those innocent unsuspecting random by-passers; but do pick them carefully though...someone sitting right next to you on the metro or bus in rush hour is always ideal since they can't escape easily; perfect!! Now don't feel guilty about boring them to tears. Heck! It's not like you're going to see them again in any meaningful settings right so give them your best shot of psycho-analysis on what went wrong in the relationship! Feel free to annoy anyone in fact, anyone you don’t mind losing as a friend ….i.e. anyone who will never leave you or anyone you are not going to miss when gone. Ah! But do remember that karma's a female dog they say which means please be ready to return the favor someday or it will come back to bite you in the rear! Got it? So in turn you’ll be empathic to someone later! Done!

Now let's get down to business with more of the nitty-gritty details on the careful recovery planning path! Make sure you are getting a good healthy dose of nature at least once a week; long walks in the woods on your own or with a local meet-up group is crucial. Also on your list of things to do add some books to read the old fashioned way lying in bed or sitting under a tree; your booklist should include the following topics: meditation, exercise, self-help, comedy and… WTF why not add some sillier ones on dating jokes, advice and tips too…throw that in there for desert reading.

Voila! Now we can prepare for phase two of the process which needs to be documented carefully on your calendar as well: so once your mourning phase time runs out (and remember four weeks is the absolute max allowed; after all sadly there are people out there who are given less time by doctors on their death beds to put their last wishes together; so remember to pray for those poor souls and realize that your situation is only comically dire in the grand scheme of life; Agreed?). 

So this is the next big thing Butterfly-Muse recommends: do something bold and out of character for yourself, such as, and if you can afford it is (and I don't just mean financially, but more importantly, physically, i.e., think -hot yoga classes, pilates, etc. in advance to prep your body for this first, but one fun idea is..) - to jump off a plane, tandem style! Yup you read right and yes- butterfly advice is crazy and yes it works! Do not attempt this though until you’re thoroughly done with phase one of heartbreak fixer-upper! Entering phase two via a proper tandem-jump is ideal for beginning to renew your spirit. If you are ready to do this, run a search for reviews and best deals. Yay! If you get an online discount via your Google search, for that deal, take that as a sign from the universe that your luck is already starting to change rapidly. After the jump when your feet touch the ground, your heart will be so vigorously stirred and shaken that it may have even pieced itself right back to a new and happy whole. You will love the high you will feel from it for a few days at least. This high is going to be greater than the memories of falling in love... but WAIT! Your brain is so shaken too that you may not remember who it was you were in love with in the first place…and memories of…what!? You might not remember immediately upon landing; No worries; leave it alone and enjoy the moment! 

Next create a list of things to do that would challenge, petrify and/or excite you...things that you never thought you could do… think of facing your fears ideally ...but do it safely. Pick at least six crazy activities and go ahead try them! Surprise yourself!  For example if you are afraid of closed dark spaces spelunking is a fantastic choice (wriggling through holes deep in the earth with a headlamp for a few hours at least!). If you can’t swim, sign up for some lessons at your local pool, with an end goal that's totally out of your comfort zone.  I As an example, grab a life-jacket and a helmet and sign up for an organized whitewater kayaking adventure with friends. If you’re afraid of heights, try an indoor and outdoor rock climbing class. Fact is - there are so many amazing choices out there and you will love all of them. You will amaze yourself with what you can do when you put your mind and heart into it! Yes- we are indeed stronger than we ever realize!! And life is all that you make it.

Meanwhile whether you think you're in shape to run or not begin with investing in some proper running shoes, Google some tips on it and lace up to- RUN!! Run away from your pain, your memories and that fool who would actually reject you. Keep running and before you know it you will be too hot for him or her anyway...and with your new found adventures under your belt you're on your way to creating your own personal Indiana Jones movie, right? So go ahead and give yourself, the star of the show, a well-deserved bow! You know what’s the absolute best part of following all these steps? Through your adventures you will learn to love yourself, create a better you in mind, body and spirit, become your own best hero and inspiration, and know that even more than all that you will make a ton of new friends along the way who share your new found love and enthusiasm for life! 

Live, Love, Laugh, Cry, Go Big, Go Crazy…And do it all like the whole world is watching…with Super-Ultra-Style!! 

Here's to wishing your heart a speedy recovery and your soul a fantastic large scale happy come back!! You got this! 

Monday-Yin-Yang-Sunday

I have been working all my life (since my early teens actually); as a receptionist at my parents’ company in Dubai, to living on my own as of seventeen working while at university in NYC-from tutoring students with disabilities, to selling everything from popcorn for fundraising on campus, to vintage designer clothes at a store on the upper east side, to perfumes inside Penn Station (odd given that I’m allergic to perfumes), to decorating mannequins in store-window-displays (loved that!!); then post college figuring it out from a brief stint as a bank teller to fortunately landing in my career as a headhunter by 1997. Over the years I've heard people gathering around water coolers on all my jobs from NYC, to Michigan, to Montreal, to DC in unison agreeing to ‘Thank God it’s Friday!’ and ‘Grrr…it’s Monday!’ Well I just didn't get it!

You see-in the past I didn't like Fridays; they made me anxious (didn't want to deal with myself or my life)! I liked Mondays; they gave me a sense of purpose (work defined me)! Yup! True sign of a proper workaholic of course! Thank goodness after all these years now I really don’t get it! FINALLY!! It’s all good! Mondays through Fridays and Saturdays through Sundays! Like an hour-glass time’s slipping fast before my eyes and I’m determined to live and love every moment of it! Don’t want to miss a beat though I’m overwhelmed with all the magic around me!! Never counting my days to weekends or annual vacations to escape nor waiting for work days to return post breaks...…none of that for me please! I find myself amazed by every moment and every breath and am ever so grateful for all of it! Now wishing for all of you to get here with me too!!  

Universal Energy

When you find yourself drawn to people or situations that are destructive- mentally, physically or emotionally- the hardest part is realizing that if you remain there you are in fact choosing to be sick. You need to find the tools to get out of there ASAP!

Don’t waste away trying to understand or fix something or someone that’s out of your control; It’s not your job! Your job is to wake up daily and make an affirmation that you will make the healthiest choices throughout the day every day!  Your thoughts, actions and deeds count towards what you take from or give back into the pool of universal energy.  That energy is like water on our planet; if our energy pollutes the pool then we poison not only ourselves but all around us. Step away from contaminated energy so you don’t get infected or aid in spreading it! It’s critical to know who and what to walk away from daily. It’s important to learn the tools for coping, healing and strengthening your spirit.

The tools are simple and tangible! Just thirty minutes of daily exercise will not only strengthen the body but also your resolve. Only ten minutes of daily meditation helps heal and clarify your spirit. Organizational skills help towards feeling in control of your day and your destiny. Finding fun hobbies and interests will keep you smiling from within so fit those into the schedule at least once a week. Yes you have time and are capable of jamming these into your life no-matter how hectic your day is with work, kids or other responsibilities. Open your mind and see it! Commit to yourself! Love and care for yourself so you can extend your beautiful energy back into the world around you. If each of us can find inner peace and happiness it will spread faster than we can imagine; it’s a beautiful world and we’re lucky to be in it. Let’s make a difference starting with ourselves!

Butterfly Musing

Whether we call it mid-life crisis or as I do mid-life enlightenment one thing is for sure- we all find ourselves at that phase of life somewhere along the way when we question our choices. Are we living life to its fullest? It happens so fast and so suddenly. One minute we are in our early twenties trying to find our place with all those 'know-it-all-grown-ups' right? Career, love, marriage and kids-whatever your goals and focus you're out there busy finding your footing in society; perhaps you did everything that was expected of you; or perhaps you rebelled against those social queues every step of the way; Did you find all your dreams only to discover it didn't make you happy? Or did you avoid chasing your dreams...believing it will all come together naturally when you are ready? There's no avoiding it though- eventually it does come-that moment of truth! 

For me that phase started earlier than most yet I had already resigned to believing that I'd sort of missed my boat of dreams; I did not believe I could go back and start over; life settles in right? They say life happens while you're making other plans after all. What a defeating attitude!

So what changed? I had this intensely profound dream with a powerful message about 'second chances' and it had butterflies in it...which I later interpreted as truly symbolic. A butterfly is a rare and special creature that gets to exist within one lifespan as both of earth and of sky in completely different physical forms even; I think it is here to inspire us to know that it is possible to change.....never too late to reinvent ourselves, to metamorphosize into newer and better versions of ourselves....and never too late to find our bliss! I’ve come to strongly believe that we all deserve love, peace and happiness here and now! No excuses!!