Upgrade or Settle!?

Recently I find myself pondering over just how much our overly commercialized culture here in the US pushes towards constant upgrades versus settlements. In fact the very word ‘settling’ carries so much baggage, social judgement and negative connotations already. I’m left wondering how much we’ve internalized this way of thinking and at what point does it define who we are as individuals even?

Window shopping is a way of life for us….keep looking and keep buying knowing you can get fully refunded if you change your mind-Right? & The choices are endless and tempting! After all who doesn’t want to keep believing there’s something bigger and better waiting for us just around the corner.…just there for the taking…the bigger house, the fancier car, the more satisfying job, the better lover…and even the better you! We’re seemingly always a few steps away from making it all a bit more perfect-No?

Regardless there is little need for commitments in our lives since so much is ok to return if we’re not 100% satisfied-Right? Culturally there is even the fall back option for suing when things don’t go as promised. Of course for me this begs the question that does this constant chase for something else leave us ever actually truly satisfied? When we get what we want do we stop to enjoy it or do we feel the anxiety buildup inside egging us to run away before feeling trapped or suffocated by the ‘great’ only to risk losing the ‘greater’ that is perhaps elsewhere waiting for our picking? 

During my travels to other countries and cultures sometimes this difference in folks around me is almost palpable; I have to say I see less of this need to keep the search constantly going. People seem to be actually ‘settling’…(Imagine that!)….for the beautiful house, the fancy ride or that amazing significant other and they seem thrilled and grateful to have gotten there. They don’t seem to feel the need to continue looking for more once they’ve reached their important goals and needs. They seem instead to nurture, grow and cherish on what they have already built….to make a home, to create a family, to strengthen their relationships with friends and neighbors; I see folks care for and truly relish on what they have accomplished. Is that such a terrible thing? 

Beyond just my speculation in the presence of such folks it’s hard not to enjoy a shared energy of happiness and contentment that they have mastered via settling….they seem to approach life in strides peacefully accepting the ups and downs also as part of their journey with the loving support of a strong network of loved ones around them that they have invested in mutually. Seems this definitely leaves them with more space within for something grander….to be present and to actually enjoy the moment they are in perhaps.

I realize that the rat race will always go on with or without us. Sometimes it totally makes sense to jump in and run with it, to find our place or mark in it too….but perhaps it’s also important to know when not to lose sight of the original goal within the mayhem-No!?

For me it took the sudden death of a parent to separate what matters from what’s just distractions along my path….for everyone else out there I send out prayers always to get us all there to what matters sooner and easier.

Find your Chi! Namaste! XO

Learning-Living-Life-Inspired! <3 XO :-)

About the Giving Tree

The Giving Tree. ....I read that book to my son a few years ago. It was my first time reading it. It left me disturbed when it was done. My son was very upset by it too.  It resonated so deeply for me because all my life I was taught in my upbringing to be just like that hopeless and naive tree always giving completely without holding back or ever complaining about it even as it’s being stripped away towards a seemingly bitter end and being totally cool with it. - But is that really what it means to be a good person!!? I no longer agree with it!!

I still believe that true happiness lies in giving and putting others ahead of me....but I've changed in the last few years and so has my perspective. I now believe in giving and getting respect, in setting healthy boundaries that allow me to grow while being the best I can be for myself and for others. I see clearly now that by being true to myself and taking care of me I actually have more to give back after all.

Sometimes in life we find ourselves in situations or around people who are toxic for us. These are people who will attack us even for our finest core qualities, belittling us and clouding our better judgement. I've been there too often in life not realizing it's OK to acknowledge my own needs and feelings since I was too preoccupied with pleasing others and fearing rejection from the masses. You see being the people pleaser I am by nature and nurture this left me in my past much like that giving tree too often too broken and too stumped with nothing left to offer anyone. No not me no more!!

I have learned since to stand up for me and to not justify those who cause me harm whether their behavior results from obvious ill will or from careless oblivious intentions. You see I no longer do things to be a people pleaser; I now do things for people because it pleases me to do so. In caring for myself I have learned the art of better caring for others. I honor the spaces in me that demand untangling from hurt and chaos.

I am grateful that I have learned to give and operate within healthy boundaries and even more grateful to benefit from the fruits of this priceless understanding already. I wish someone had told me this earlier on my journey but then again it’s never too late to learn the great lessons. I pray for others to learn this much faster and easier than I did. Respect yourself! Be true to you!

Namaste!! Love, Peace and Light to ALL. XO <3