Thursday, January 12, 2017

Que Sera, Sera!!


Today as I ponder over my years, understanding that every phase of my life had purpose in its madness, l deeply appreciate also that, every stage introduced fascinating souls onto my path- special people who offered love, support, wisdom, guidance and/or some ridiculously profound lesson, helping me to grow stronger, bolder or wiser and to discover the light within and around me at every step.

So of course the hardest part of change has always been in letting go of the people I meet along the way. Most of the people I’ve loved and been separated from over the years had to do with moving countries. Also growing up in the UAE where over 90% of the population is comprised of expats, even as a child, I experienced people constantly coming and going so I decided already that life was staged at some grand airport where all relationships were seemingly built in transit zones.

Fast forward to the rest of my life and I’m left wondering if it’s easier to separate due to physical distance like that where people eventually just grow apart in time or is it better when relationships end locally more organically, where for whatever reason people reach some sharp crossroad with neon signs from the universe saying- ‘ok-you guys- now it’s time for you to go your separate ways’.

Well goodbyes are never fun regardless and over the years parts of my soul turned numb as if in perpetual preparation for these inevitable farewells. In fact I’ve made active efforts through all my years to avoid getting too attached to people, places or things.

So when I fell in love a few months ago I felt like a fish out of water gasping for air (‘love trauma’ is how my other half describes this. Lol!). I’ve been working through it, allowing all my fears to just engulf me. How could I possibly continue to maintain numbness inside towards the most familiar and irresistible stranger I’ve ever met- one who has his heart strings intricately intertwined with mine from the very start!!? Illogical as it is I realized I needed to allow myself to want and believe that he’s here to stay with me forever! No geographical or any other splits allowed! Though nobody knows what tomorrow will bring- for today I breathe better not fighting this.

Ironically as my great love entered into my life I found that instantly and unexpectedly it also transformed several of my existing relationships with friends somehow. Some friends and family responded by rejoicing in my bliss, while others either quietly or not so quietly (i.e. by throwing irrational tantrums consciously or subconsciously) started swiftly bowing out and away, creating a gulf between us and leaving me behind without explanations. So in my grandest phase of life- I am also left surprisingly with some feelings of loss….and as I wonder why…I also know…life is good & I’m in love, in awe and grateful!

Sometimes we win some and lose some- but the truth is that we always win more and lose less!

Que sera, sera!!
If nothing ever changed then there would be no butterflies!



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