Hate is not a family value!!

Hate is not a family value!!

My BFF Nathan, in college had a t-shirt that said that.

Coming from the Middle East as a foreign student at age 17, I hadn’t met anyone who told me that they were gay prior to my meeting Nathan. I was intrigued by his admission and had a billion questions for him. We’d sit up all night in our tiny, cozy little dorm rooms, in our warm pajamas, sipping hot chocolates and talking about it - when did he figure it out, how does he feel about it, did he ever kiss a boy, do his family and friends know back home? No question was taboo. Unlike my childhood in India and the Middle East, where most questions were never encouraged and often strongly frowned upon, hanging out with Nathan was easy.  

Nathan said that he had always known but had only now decided to come out. I felt so privileged to be the first one he felt comfortable to open up to. I encouraged him to accept himself. I even decided to play match-maker and help him find someone. To my surprise I succeeded in pairing him up with his first true love! Those were fun memories.  

He was a national student visiting NYC as an exchange student from Colorado. His family was very conservative and Nathan was terrified of his father ever finding out. I loved Nathan and prayed that nobody would ever stand in the way of his truth and his happiness.

When the year ended, however, Nathan left us behind and returned to Colorado. We both promised to never lose touch and to write often. I vividly remember his tear-drenched face, looking back from the cab, as he headed off to the airport and waved until he was out of sight. We had promised each other that we’ll see each other again. That was 27 years ago. I never saw Nathan again.

My letters to him returned unopened. Over the following two years I received one letter and one mysterious call from him. He whispered that his father found out and had locked him up. He wasn’t allowed to keep in touch. The one letter I received was horrific. He said that his father had signed up to make ‘gay bashing to death’ legal in Colorado and had joined various anti-gay protest groups. I have never stopped worrying or wondering about what happened to my sweet, kind, loving and dear friend Nathan since.

I remember that Nathan said his father was a Christian and that he came from a well-educated, upper middle-class family, that he was a strict but a generous and loving father. Nathan had had a good life- but that was before he came out and disappeared.

Hate is not a family value. Hate is not a religious value or a spiritual value. Yet it exists.

Over the years since, like most of us, I have had to come to terms with the fact that hate can be blind and ignorant. That some people will hate you for your color, race, religion, birth place, sexual orientation, sexual identity and who knows what or why else.

As a brown woman, born outside the country and coming to the USA as an immigrant, I have too struggled to accept that when I’m dealing with people who are coming at me from a place of ignorance and hate, that it is out of my control. I get frustrated that I am unable to change their perception no matter how much I am willing to work  towards it or how much I am willing to sacrifice to help them see, to get them to begin to have a change of heart.

I like to focus my blog on lessons learned and living life inspired, but today I write about hate because with this topic, my learning is still work in progress. 

The peace I find within is in knowing that I can only combat hate with love and prayers. 

Please join me in prayers to help our world heal from hate! 

All people are human and I pray that all people get that.

Namaste.