Hate is not a family value!!
My BFF Nathan, in college had a
t-shirt that said that.
Coming from the Middle East as a
foreign student at age 17, I hadn’t met anyone who told me that they were gay prior
to my meeting Nathan. I was intrigued by his admission and had a billion questions
for him. We’d sit up all night in our tiny, cozy little dorm rooms, in our warm
pajamas, sipping hot chocolates and talking about it - when did he figure it
out, how does he feel about it, did he ever kiss a boy, do his family and friends
know back home? No question was taboo. Unlike my childhood in India and the
Middle East, where most questions were never encouraged and often strongly frowned
upon, hanging out with Nathan was easy.
Nathan said that he had always known
but had only now decided to come out. I felt so privileged to be the first
one he felt comfortable to open up to. I encouraged him to accept himself. I
even decided to play match-maker and help him find someone. To my surprise I
succeeded in pairing him up with his first true love! Those were fun memories.
He was a national student visiting
NYC as an exchange student from Colorado. His family was very conservative and Nathan
was terrified of his father ever finding out. I loved Nathan and prayed that nobody
would ever stand in the way of his truth and his happiness.
When the year ended, however, Nathan
left us behind and returned to Colorado. We both promised to never lose touch and
to write often. I vividly remember his tear-drenched face, looking back from the
cab, as he headed off to the airport and waved until he was out of sight. We had
promised each other that we’ll see each other again. That was 27 years ago. I never
saw Nathan again.
My letters to him returned unopened.
Over the following two years I received one letter and one mysterious call from
him. He whispered that his father found out and had locked him up. He wasn’t
allowed to keep in touch. The one letter I received was horrific. He said that
his father had signed up to make ‘gay bashing to death’ legal in Colorado and had
joined various anti-gay protest groups. I have never stopped worrying or wondering
about what happened to my sweet, kind, loving and dear friend Nathan since.
I remember that Nathan said his
father was a Christian and that he came from a well-educated, upper
middle-class family, that he was a strict but a generous and loving father. Nathan
had had a good life- but that was before he came out and disappeared.
Hate is not a family value. Hate
is not a religious value or a spiritual value. Yet it exists.
Over the years since, like most
of us, I have had to come to terms with the fact that hate can be blind and ignorant. That some people
will hate you for your color, race, religion, birth place, sexual orientation,
sexual identity and who knows what or why else.
As a brown woman, born outside the country and coming to the
USA as an immigrant, I have too struggled to accept that when I’m dealing with
people who are coming at me from a place of ignorance and hate, that it is out
of my control. I get frustrated that I am unable to change their perception no matter
how much I am willing to work towards it or how much I am willing to sacrifice to
help them see, to get them to begin to have a change of heart.
I like to focus my blog on
lessons learned and living life inspired, but today I write about hate because with this topic, my learning is still work in progress.
The peace I find within is in knowing that I can only combat hate with love and prayers.
Please join me in prayers to help
our world heal from hate!
All people are human and I pray that all people get
that.
Namaste.
