Honoring 2019 - Blessings

Is life ever easy? The answer depends on perspective, of course.

I have made it a religious practice to stop and review each year as it comes to a close. I believe it's an important exercise for everyone to try. It always surprises me how I may find a theme, a story, a sense of purpose from each experience, as I review my year. As the months piece together in retrospect, it's like watching puzzle pieces fall into place. It's an exercise that leaves me with a profound sense of understanding and overall deeper appreciation for the good and the bad.

2019 was an intense year and I did not experience it at my best. I spent several months bogged down in fear, I watched bad behaviors and injustices and doubted when to stand up for what's right and pondered over the price that we all pay for all our choices. Then again, I also witnessed the power of good intentions especially when teamed up together. I met some incredible new souls, just as I walked away from those that didn't serve my path further.

If you'd asked me to describe this year, only a couple of months back, I would have said that in many ways it was one of the toughest years of my adult life (which is saying something, because it's never a walk in the park anyway, is it? Then again, that's never the point regardless.). However, as I look back on the past twelve months, now I find myself in awe as I realize that this may also be described as the best year of my adult life, as I have never before felt more loved, connected and supported as I have in 2019.

I strongly believe that our blessings always outweigh all experiences, good or bad.

There is a lot I am grateful for - from quality time with family and friends, to time spent in the forest trekking in great company, to new and old friends on my path, but most of all, this year for me, I am amazed to watch how much my son has blossomed along the way, and is even joining us on the trails.

If I could capture my year in pictures, the essence of 2019, for me lies in the two below-

THANK YOU FAMILY & FRIENDS!

THANK YOU 2019!

THANK YOU UNIVERSE!

One Plus One is Not Two

It's been almost six years since I started this blog, so I could share my Eureka moments, because for the first time in my adult years I was finally starting to show up awake for experiences in everyday life.

Over the last four years, however, I started writing less and less. Mainly because of a lack of time but also because the lessons I was learning repeatedly took me longer to accept.

They say we learn from our mistakes; but the truth is that we learn all the time, from all sorts of unexpected experiences. We are left constantly processing conflicting messages that can easily leave us exponentially more confused over time. 

For example, life has taught me that innocent people can get caught in the crossfire randomly, that doing the right thing may cost somebody an arm and a leg, or worse, and that life just isn’t easy - because bad things happen and it can happen to anybody at any time. There are no absolute rules and formulas in life because there are never any guarantees. Every choice we make is a chance we take, in the hopes of reaching some desired outcome, while holding our breath and praying that it works.

So, we learn to adjust what we think we know at every step; and often the biggest challenge lies in just staying positive and finding peace within ourselves, which not only translates to prioritizing saving what matters most- i.e. our souls, but also to being available to do right by others.

The path to re-centering after each storm and cleansing my energy again and again, I have found however, does follow a dependable formula – For me, that is taking the time to meditate, reviewing my gratitude list and finding the strength inside to keep moving; But the formula only works if applied after indulging myself in reflection of self and surroundings, giving myself permission to wallow in the confusing experiences, acknowledging my thoughts and feelings, without judgement towards myself or others, and then when I allow all that to wash over me, I am ready to apply the predictive formula towards healing and rebuilding. Staying positive comes easier to me but staying present however has always been a huge challenge so I am grateful for this formula.

My dear and wise husband always says that every choice we make adds towards creating the kind of world that we want ourselves and our children to live in. I love the sense of control that this belief gives me, especially when I am feeling powerless or saddened by the senseless injustices that I see happening all around me.   

Yes, life is not easy and it is much easier to get lost in that fact, but the real work that is required from us, I believe, is to make an effort daily, mindfully, to be at our best, to see the best in everything and everyone…..because perception becomes reality, and an illusion of control becomes more than an illusion.

In seeing the good around us, we build our faith in it, which in turn creates an abundance of goodness for ourselves and others. This is within our power, to choose and to create goodness.

GOODBYE 2018! Lesson Learned- Do NOT feed the bullies!!

I want to write about what I learned this last year about dealing with bullies, more specifically about how I finally learned what in me brings out the bully in some people.

My breakdown:

• Step one is to recognize the bully and their behavioral patterns
• Step two is to figure out what you are doing to inflame or feed the bully
• Step three is to find peace in how you handle it, i.e. there are options

OK! So right about now my fifteen-year old son interrupted me to ask:

‘So Mom- what are you doing?’

 ‘I’m writing about how to deal with bullies.’

He says:

‘What!? Why? You should not be writing about that. You get bullied ALL the time; you are the worst person to write about it.’ 

(Grrrr….)

I tell him:

‘But Hunny! That is exactly why I’m the right person to write about this since I finally learned how to not get bullied’

He says: 

‘But did they not teach you this stuff in school? Everyone in my school knows this already.’

The teen’s advice breaks down as follows:

• Don’t feed into it when they bait you with insults. Walk away.
• Show no emotion or reaction. Don’t take it personally.
• Avoid them. Their opinion is just that - an opinion.
• If it gets too much, tell your teacher, or in your case, tell their superior.

Alright! So my kid stole my thunder here but he’s right! 

Well - so no - nobody taught me this stuff growing up! Bullying was part and parcel of my daily life and not at school but at home, from family members.

Anyway earlier this summer I had my Aha! moment when I realized that I was dealing with a bully. Putting a label on this person's behaviors became a grand revelation in itself. I got so excited upon figuring this out that I went on to immediately phone my husband to share the big news. I was so proud of myself for this Eureka moment, although he didn’t seem to appreciate the significance of it - at least not right away. 

For me it was like figuring out pieces of a formula that I had been struggling with for years. Once I identified the situation, I was able to immediately formulate solutions to handle it better.

So here and now as a strong and capable adult – the next logical step was to figure out the other half of that equation- ‘what about me sets it off in this person?’ It didn’t take me long to connect the dots and understand that it was my demeanor. I was reacting to my bully, wanting to please, wanting to do anything just to make them stop. Dare I even admit that I was reacting out of fear?  That I often feel a need to appease?  I was.

Now the last and final step was to calculate the solution. I’m not a fighter and I avoid hostile confrontations. This bully was not open to peaceful or authentic conversational type approaches so those had to get ruled out. Then it intuitively came to me. I realized that I could control my reactions instead. I decided the simple answer was to take a mental break in the moment, when I’m under attack. I needed to detach and softly focus on my breathing to disconnect from the situation.

Now it was time to take this carefully crafted solution to the test. 

During our very next interaction, I applied this method. I remembered to breathe and remove myself from the line of fire.

Lo-and-behold- it worked right away. I noticed that it threw off the bully. I watched them start to lose their steam. They started to waiver and even take on a more respectful tone towards me. Incredible to watch it all come together in action like that.

Big ‘AHA’ moment in my world! If only I’d figured it out sooner! Or at least known to go to my kid for advice a lot sooner apparently- Eh!? Go figure.  

Anyhow another big lesson out of all this was that I did not need to fight back or confront the bully head-on, or even walk away because those are not always options in all situations - right?  

Managing the bully took subtle changes in my physical reaction, breathing slowly to create calmness was enough. It allowed me to stop, to sit back and quietly observe that the bully creates unnecessary drama, which is not so much intimidating as just monotonous and rather ridiculous, like watching a little child throwing a tantrum for no reason.

So perhaps it is through our own eyes then that the bully can see themselves - because it becomes clear to the both of us that the bully holds no power!

STAY STRONG! YOU GOT THIS!

LEARNING- LIVING- LIFE- INSPIRED