Honoring Lucky (20)13!!

I've known deep down throughout the year that this was indeed the most phenomenal year of my life-2013! So what makes a year the best? It seems only fair to reflect upon it and share it all with gratitude.

I remember in December of last year just before NYE someone asked me what I was looking for and I blurted out impulsively, intuitively that I wasn't sure but that ‘I want to matter…I want everything and everyone to matter’ and then to my surprise I found myself bursting into tears (a novel experience.…since I’d spent more than three decades forgetting how to let go and to physically cry.…I had allowed myself over the years to go numb and to forget what matters). In those last days of that year as I was walking away from 2012…(and away from the darkness that I had allowed myself to be engulfed by and hide inside of for so many years of my past).…I couldn't really comprehend those words that came out of me so impromptu.….yet in retrospect I can see now how clearly it set the precedence for the new year ahead.

2013 has been the year of reunions-of finding and rebuilding relationships with friends and family- both of old and of new, it has been the year for pushing perceived boundaries-both physical and mental, of letting go of fears,…of jumping into new adventures, of unlearning old beliefs and ideas, of opening up my mind and heart (first cautiously but then more boldly)…to see things in a new brighter light….this has been the year of self-discovery and the beginning of finding acceptance-of myself and of all around me. This is the year that I learned that similar to the chicken and egg theories- us humans are incapable of loving ourselves without loving others and loving others without loving ourselves; LOVE is the secret….but not the Hollywood or Bollywood kind….But to fall in love truly and completely with ourselves, with our lives, with all the people around us and with all of the world…to begin to unleash the magic that surrounds us.

December 2012-when I look back at pictures from previous years I can see in my eyes a shy soul peeking out from behind invisible curtains and in my posture…with my shoulders caved inwards as if wanting to return to a fetal position (which is no longer what I see in my pictures since-Thank Goodness!)….obviously at the end of that year I was still quite unsure and distrustful of life-of everything and everyone. Yet as I celebrated NYE 2013 I could feel already the transformations within; I took a very deep breath with the final countdown as if I already knew I was embarking on the most incredible journey yet…. like I was being picked up by some massive powerful invisible wave…and I was not afraid but excited and ready for it. This journey took me to places inside and out of what I thought I knew (for knowledge and understanding are two very different things)….to understand that there was meaning in where I’d been in the darkness before just as if something was also nudging me gently and strongly to open my eyes to the blinding light….to finally see with my eyes still adjusting to this brightness -the beauty that surrounds us all in our world-in our here and now.

I pray and wish that 2014 also shines brightly upon us-ALL- to guide us continuously towards finding love and gratitude everyday-all around us!! Cheers Everyone & Welcome 2014!!

Some Highlights of-A Journey....of reunions, new friends, new adventures...self-discovery and self-acceptance..........2013-In-Review: 

JANUARY & FEBRUARY: REUNIONS-Visits to Dubai and to India to reconnect with my family and my dearest old friends....meeting some after over two decades since separation....

Catching up on all our missed years apart...with my soul siblings (whether blood related or not.)...learning that our bonds are timeless indeed....

....some reunions were after more than two decades since our last meeting...while some others were long over due by even three decades of heart felt separations....

 

....Then there were some that were coming into my life from scratch.....yet it felt like they were in  my heart always......and this is perhaps due to the secret magical ingredients of family bonds...!!

MARCH & APRIL: SELF-DISCOVERY-my journey continued with learning about meditation techniques, new ways to connect with my own thoughts and feelings and ways to push past my falsely perceived limits...physically, mentally and spiritually.....

My very first taste of rock climbing....love at first climb for sure....

Hiking it up a few notches....Yes indeed feeling a great sense of 'accomplishment'

MAY: NEW BONDS-Finding new friends...seemingly from past lives....creating instant profound connections.....enriching experiences...all towards appreciating the here and now....

Little did we know! A match made in heaven this beautiful spring day! :-)

MAY & JUNE: Continued with renewed spirt for....FIRST TIME NEWADVENTURES.....facing fears and living it up a bit....

An Intro to Obstacle Course...

My first indoor climbing experience.....

My first sky diving experience....

And with the encouragement of my friend who said 'Live Big or Go Home!'...my first kayaking/Whitewater Kayaking experience....took my trust in self and surroundings to a whole new level for sure.....

My first night hike which included lots of rock scrambling...to watch sunrise from the summit of Old Rag Mountain......What a fantastic experience!

There were also adventures others got dragged to; making friends while camping.....

Finding quality time to appreciate a radiant smile from loved ones was part and parcel of 2013 too of course...naturally!

JULY: STRENGTHENING BONDS-a visit from my dearest childhood best friend from across the globe....allowed us to continue to catch up on lost years and rebuild a perfect connection that should never have been forgotten or taken for granted in the first place.....

Time to build new memories together....naturally! :-)

AUGUST & SEPTEMBER: But Of Course...the adventures got a bit more daring....

Spelunking....my bravest adventure yet!! Go figure!! YIPPY!! YIKES!!

An Intro to pole dancing....great idea for an aerobic class for sure; but realized I have lost touch with my inner ape-gene-heritage....needed to focus on building upper body strength....like female Tarzan...you never know when you need it...perhaps to hold on to the edge of a cliff for dear life or for climbing a mountain or something.....yup.....office-desk-bound-life makes us forget how important strength and coordination is....a must to maintain!!

And it was the year to take my hiking abilities up a notch...or two...ending at realizing I can do 20 miles easily enough...with a definite affinity for over 5000+ ft elevation hikes....loving this accomplishment!!

OCTOBER & NOVEMBER: More adventures & More gratitude for life and for friends....

My first intense all day out-door rock climbing class.....loved it and walked away with bruises to brag with too!! <3

SURPRISE!! A second visit from my childhood soul sister from across the globe assured me further that this was no ordinary year or phase of my life....everything feels magical as the journey continues...

My first adult Halloween Party...always wanted to go to one...so much fun!! & My Butterfly Costume...just stumbled upon me too....total serendipity for sure!!

Grateful for a perfect birthday and honored to be in the company of such amazing friends....

First painting class with more fun new friends

The Gift of-A PERFECT THANKSGIVING!!!

DECEMBER: FINDING PEACE...as the year was wrapping up I found myself feeling just a bit short on energy and inspiration...or so I thought...until I realized I was only taking some time for reflecting and coming to peace with some of the bigger questions in life...and learning to let go and accept things as they are....finding acceptance of self, world, life, passing of loved ones and of ALL that is...just as is!

Appreciating the significance of all that has come to pass....while understanding the importance of all that exists profoundly within it's own time and space-especially in the here and now!

Goodbye and Thank You 2013!!

&

WELCOME 2014!!!

Weekly-Vacations2

When I mention that I don't subscribe to cable or watch TV- people often do a double take and look baffled as they ask me how on earth do I entertain myself or spend my free time. Well....a typical weekend includes some time in nature....for example yesterday I hiked with a random wonderful group of friends through George Washington National Forest.....and I can assure you that it does wonders for me-for body, heart and soul....and I am totally convinced that cable couldn't offer me all that.....(shrug) :-p Lol! 

Here are some pictures I took on my winter hike yesterday:

It's like the universe is saying look closer.....winter is taking front stage right now but spring has front row seating amongst the audience.....everything has its turns and lies in harmony

Even surrounded by fallen leaves Nature sends us a message....'Hope Springs' comes to mind :-)

Fallen tree on a mushy path...obstacles can be interesting

YUP! Our time here is a privilege indeed! Life is Good!!

Homeward-Found

A few lifetimes ago, in a small, far-away, village in India, I remember being privy to watching an elementary school teacher ask his class ‘Tell me- Does anyone know the difference between a house and a home.’ All the stumbling responses that followed were quite entertaining since English obviously wasn't their mother tongue….yet I was left pondering over the profoundness of that question for many years to follow.

A true sense of home…what does it mean? Personally I was acutely aware that it was lacking in my world. I experienced life as an alien passing through foreign spaces.…a lot like Odysseus lost at Sea (ironically ‘The Odyssey’- is my favorite book...naturally!). At best I felt as a guest crashing at other people’s homes though technically in the company of family and in houses I'd paid good money for resident privileges at. Even the lands I traveled through...whether immigrating from one country to another or hopping from state to state...I continued to experience it as a tourist…even believing I was a second class citizen with restricted rights. From my detached outsider perspective I was smugly checking out the ‘locals’ while learning to shadow their cultures and traditions...inevitably envying their sense of entitlement and belonging. I wanted that feeling too but defiantly consoled myself that it just wasn't in my destiny.

A sense of home! Well-guess what!!? I acquired it! Finally! Surprisingly! It just snuck up on me-Thank goodness! Sure enough it never was about the material things…not about the house or what went into it to make it comfortable…and oddly enough it wasn't even about the familial people we are supposed to share our spaces with….and it certainly had nothing to do with the lyrics from Paul Young’s song ‘wherever I lay my hat that is my home’….Nope-none of that! I just woke up one day and discovered a strange pattern of understanding that everything was good and well...suddenly everything felt…well.. just like...HOME! Everything from my transitional student-centric apartment, to the unconventional city I live in- located in what's not even designated as a real state (i.e. D.C!), to my new job in the city-all of which initially didn't seem in-line with my long term goals...But then again one day just like that- it all felt right...like I belong! No more anxious wanderings to seek out my habitual ‘what’s next’ approach to life.….no dire pressing need to search for something… not knowing what....yet hoping it'll make me happy when I get there….you know what I mean?

So what changed so abruptly and dramatically? Yup-Eureka!! ME!! I did! I found happiness and freedom...from stepping into the driver’s seat in my life! No more playing a tourist watching life go by from the side-lines but finally truly taking control of the steering wheel; that was the key! Voila-After more than three decades of searching...my Homeward Odyssey is complete! Apparently the saying ‘home is where the heart is’ landed up being more literal than I would've ever expected; You see…when you find happiness from within….the sun shines everywhere and home is just that much easier to discover-So I have learned!

Found Myself; Found Home!

No-Cosby-Thanksgiving

I was seventeen when I discovered Thanksgiving-just as Columbus discovered America of course! I immediately fell in love...and in hate...with it. You see the love part was easy-I loved the food! The hate part...hmmm...bit more complicated....it always left me feeling like a social outcast....as if there was an underlying message that if I didn't belong to some picture perfect Billy-Cosby-Show  type immediate family circle then I wasn't really privy to the celebrations..(pout..) made me feel like an impostor- regardless of whether I was participating in the feast or not. Grrr!! Thanksgiving over the years I found was not only gathering some heavy calories around my waist but also sneaking in some emotional luggage into me too! Then came the turning point a few years ago...my attitude! TA-DA!!!

So how was Thanksgiving 2013? When I realized I would be spending it alone....at first there was that oddly familiar build of anxiety...but I soon decided to put my new mottos to the test: 'the whole world is my backyard and everyone is a relative or a friend' -combined with 'we're never alone in any experience'- after all-right? Inspired-I now figured I must volunteer at DC Kitchen to cook for less fortunate amongst us...but of course I was too late...they were overbooked with volunteers...so naturally I decided I should then make it a fabulous celebratory experience instead....why of course! So I created an impromptu invite with an open guest list... consisting mainly of my new found friends that I'd met via my adventurous activities through out the year.

The goal was to find anyone without plans to come together for a hike and a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at a fancy-cozy restaurant. Lo-and-Behold! Next thing I know I landed up spending my day on a fantastic ten miles hike with over thirty sunny-happy-people and then post-hike sharing a fabulous dinner with a group of eleven relatively new friends who easily flowed into family status....just like that...by sharing stories, laughter and making connections over a mouth-watering spread of a traditional holiday meal....and the best part...no dishes, no cleaning up....just happy easy smiles all the way to the end of our day....from the wait staff to the crowded jovial oddly familial restaurant atmosphere...what a perfect holiday it turned out to be!

Proof of serendipity? At dinner we sat under an upside down XMas tree hanging from the ceiling...which gave me the biggest smile as I realized I did indeed have my Bill-Cosby-Show type family gathering after-all...I just needed to flip my perspective to get it right. Lol! 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some more pictures from our hike and dinner-An Inspired Thanksgiving 2013:

Brrr....cold morning...but warm smiles starts the day

WOW! The Great Falls Overlook!

A shy friend poses for camera:-)

We had the largest  and loudest table in the crowded restaurant- and the ultra friendly and humorous wait-staff continued to give us the gift of a truly jovial familial atmosphere

YUMMY!! Turkey dinner with all the fixings!!<3 I would've loved this even if I hadn't just completed a ten plus miles hike in the cold! YAY!!

Thanksgiving pumpkin pie!! Slurp!! Like falling in love all over again with the same person I guess!

AH!!!! LIFE IS GOOD!!! GRATEFUL!!! 

Lonely-NOT!!

For me loneliness became a way of life almost three decades ago as a kid when I got displaced from my country of origin and my original family. What I also realized pretty early in life was that loneliness had nothing to do with people around me; as a student in NYC I learned that sometimes being in a crowd is indeed lonelier; and then again being in a marriage that did not suit me took my sense of loneliness to brand new heights right off the charts even. Little did I know what I realize now that loneliness is actually a choice and that it takes a lot of time and effort to cultivate and maintain within us.

Our species overpopulates the planet so being alone physically takes effort doesn't it? So we’re hardly ever alone really.…and in fact not only physically but in all our human experiences we are truly never alone….Wasn't it Socrates that said we humans are not capable of an original idea? Well…it makes sense…no thought nor emotion is exclusive to any one of our experiences; we share all of it with everyone around us. I even believe that our emotions come in a spectrum of colors like in a rainbow…and regardless of the complexity of our individual stories…each of us will experience every color in that rainbow during our lifetime albeit in different patterns and doses…our experiences are regardless completely shared.…for that is the very purpose of our time here-isn't it?

Perhaps it’s from coming to terms with so much of my own fears and pain…that the clouds finally began lifting from my vision…so it feels like the flood gates are opening up to show me that I’m surrounded by so many magical beautiful colorful souls all around me every day.….every passerby has something I can relate to or admire...…sometimes someone’s a bit tired…sometimes a bit lost….and like I used to be...sometimes just cloaked in fear and pain….and sometimes they are even aware….but mainly I feel so fortunate right now that I am blessed to see a world filled mostly with so much good than bad….and if I just took the time to approach individuals around me with an open heart and an open mind….a kind word….or a knowing smile…it is suddenly totally apparent….the big secret…that the world is my backyard and that everyone around me is a relative or a friend. Go figure!! The key was always in my hand….the secret to open up and let others in…to let go…to share together the wonders of our short and precious time right here, right now with laughter, love and kindness. Loneliness…well it’s just no longer my choice! Why waste anything beautiful by keeping it hidden away…we are all just that....and each of us deserves to be open and true to ourselves and to others. KUMBAYA-Style!! Why not!! 

Weekly Vacations!

This is another lesson learned in life: vacations are not savings accounts to be locked away for a rainy day. Every weekend is a perfect opportunity for vacations and not to be wasted sitting on a couch with a remote or lost running household errands (I read that a clean house is a  sign of a good life wasted; there's some wisdom in that!). Get outside...venture off into nature...drive an hour or more and all sorts of options open up to revive your spirit. Here is how I may spend a Saturday...perhaps kayaking with new friends (via Meetup.com)....and it's totally affordable... at most a full tank of gas and a few pleasant hours of drive time. The returns? refreshed and happy me on Monday mornings! Yup!! Totally recommended!!

And this is what I had posted as my Facebook status the night I returned home from a day trip where I took these pictures: 

'WOW!!! No pictures or words can really capture this but visually today was probably the most mystically beautiful day of my life. We drove 11 hrs, and kayaked 7 hrs (border between NC and VA) through an enchanting swamp which eventually opened up to a huge bewitching mirror like lake; the water was unlike anything I've ever seen before...phenomenally reflective and calm...yet upon closer inspection actually black like Turkish coffee from all the leaves that fall into it and dye it that way apparently. Surreal! It created this alluringly serene atmosphere and the most fantastic illusions -like I was sitting on a glass surface that span through infinity while reflecting all the beauty of the bluest of skies and the prettiest of fall colors from these hauntingly gorgeous old trees as well. The crazy thing is that often the reflections in the water were almost clearer than its real-life counterparts; Truly a rare glimpse of nature playing Narcissus in all it's magnificent glory. We even paddled up close to countless adorable little turtles and got pretty close to a young black bear to watch it climb up and down two tall trees playfully as it peered back at us too cautiously. Can't believe this was not some out of body experience; Certainly felt like it! In complete and utter awe! When we finally left there I received a drunken call from my precious brother who couldn't stop telling me how much he loved me-adding to this already dreamy perfect magical day! What an experience!! Grateful seems like an understatement for this day!'