Homeward-Found

A few lifetimes ago, in a small, far-away, village in India, I remember being privy to watching an elementary school teacher ask his class ‘Tell me- Does anyone know the difference between a house and a home.’ All the stumbling responses that followed were quite entertaining since English obviously wasn't their mother tongue….yet I was left pondering over the profoundness of that question for many years to follow.

A true sense of home…what does it mean? Personally I was acutely aware that it was lacking in my world. I experienced life as an alien passing through foreign spaces.…a lot like Odysseus lost at Sea (ironically ‘The Odyssey’- is my favorite book...naturally!). At best I felt as a guest crashing at other people’s homes though technically in the company of family and in houses I'd paid good money for resident privileges at. Even the lands I traveled through...whether immigrating from one country to another or hopping from state to state...I continued to experience it as a tourist…even believing I was a second class citizen with restricted rights. From my detached outsider perspective I was smugly checking out the ‘locals’ while learning to shadow their cultures and traditions...inevitably envying their sense of entitlement and belonging. I wanted that feeling too but defiantly consoled myself that it just wasn't in my destiny.

A sense of home! Well-guess what!!? I acquired it! Finally! Surprisingly! It just snuck up on me-Thank goodness! Sure enough it never was about the material things…not about the house or what went into it to make it comfortable…and oddly enough it wasn't even about the familial people we are supposed to share our spaces with….and it certainly had nothing to do with the lyrics from Paul Young’s song ‘wherever I lay my hat that is my home’….Nope-none of that! I just woke up one day and discovered a strange pattern of understanding that everything was good and well...suddenly everything felt…well.. just like...HOME! Everything from my transitional student-centric apartment, to the unconventional city I live in- located in what's not even designated as a real state (i.e. D.C!), to my new job in the city-all of which initially didn't seem in-line with my long term goals...But then again one day just like that- it all felt right...like I belong! No more anxious wanderings to seek out my habitual ‘what’s next’ approach to life.….no dire pressing need to search for something… not knowing what....yet hoping it'll make me happy when I get there….you know what I mean?

So what changed so abruptly and dramatically? Yup-Eureka!! ME!! I did! I found happiness and freedom...from stepping into the driver’s seat in my life! No more playing a tourist watching life go by from the side-lines but finally truly taking control of the steering wheel; that was the key! Voila-After more than three decades of searching...my Homeward Odyssey is complete! Apparently the saying ‘home is where the heart is’ landed up being more literal than I would've ever expected; You see…when you find happiness from within….the sun shines everywhere and home is just that much easier to discover-So I have learned!

Found Myself; Found Home!