Confusion-Unfused!

I found myself asking: Are some things really simple but that I just don’t want to understand….or is it that some things are just too confusing to ever understand? Do you know what I mean?

You see I'm blessed with wise friends who give great guidance and I'm also blessed with an inner voice that stumbles upon answers naturally so I can afford to save time and money in therapy. Lol! ;-) Well in this case as I pondered over my situation and dilemma this is the answer self-therapy led to:

So it’s not about if things are simple or not! It’s about a willingness (or lack of) to see things for what they really are….and letting go of what we think we know…..and when something turns out to be other than what was envisioned or desired… it is the disappointment that creates the road block to move past....towards accepting what is. 

Eureka! Like standing in front of a field looking at it from behind a rock but through a tiny little tainted peep-hole drilled through that rock.... our vision is so eschewed by our needs and biases….and our wanting to control the outcome… that when it doesn’t go our way we find a part of us throwing a full blown tantrum like a spoiled child…refusing to accept that the keyhole view did not paint the complete picture but was merely a fragment at best. 

AHA!! But wait a minute!!!! That field is still wide open all around the rock- just waiting to be discovered and enjoyed! So-time to stop mulling over a tainted view that makes no sense! 

Time to play! ;-) 

P.S. I share this hoping it serves someone else well too. Enjoy all that there is!! Namaste!! :-)

EMOTIONS!

Yesterday I went to see my acupuncturist (for those who don’t know what that is it’s a healer and yes it involves getting these tiny needles poked into you but no it doesn’t hurt…..I used to think that it looked unimaginably uncomfortable until I finally tried it-And Man! I have seriously been hooked since!). My acupuncturist is this really cool guy probably half my age yet he has this ageless Buddha like calming all-knowing energy about him……and he kind of looks like a young Bob Marley which always makes me smile in his presence. He is a true healer in every sense of the word. When I sit in that chair and he asks me in his soft soothing voice what do I think I need help with today I inevitably feel like a little kid saying ‘I have a booboo here and a booboo there….’ sitting there all pouty and looking for help and I swear no-matter what the ailment whether I land up saying ‘I haven’t slept in ten days and the insomnia is making me drop things all over the place’….or ‘I am in love with someone I don’t want to be in love with-HELP!!’.…..or ‘my IT band is a wreck and I’ve been having trouble working out….’or ’my neck is stiff and my wrists hurt from my desk-job’…..no-matter what ails me he seems to have the right Band-Aid on hand for it. I always walk away feeling anew -with new perspective, feeling totally refreshed or healed somehow.….it is AMAZING!!

So yesterday I sat there and when he asked me what ails me I struggled for words to explain it…’everything feels off’ I said…’it’s as if all my emotions are trapped in bits and pieces all over the place at different points in my body and I feel totally chaotic inside….’ Is what I came up with finally? So he said ‘ok so if your emotions are all trapped inside what would you like me to do with it?’ ….WHAT!!!? I looked at him so lost as I said ‘I don’t know…’ and he said ‘would you like to feel all those emotions or make them go away?’- OK WOW!!! What a concept!!! Right!!!!? It was too loaded a question for me to even process fast enough to answer so I said ‘you decide for me; what do you think I should do with it?’ He gazed out of the window at the rain which was coming down pretty hard and he said ‘someone I look up to said to me –emotions are there to be felt’ and then he looked back at me quietly and I got it! So simple and so profound! Emotions are there to be felt! Nothing more and nothing less!! WOW!!!

Ah! If you’re wondering what I chose for my ‘Band-Aid’ at this stage….I said ‘Ok! Bring it on! Make me cry it all out or whatever!’ And if you’re still curious to ask how I felt during and after the treatment…..Well! I fell into a deep sleep for half hour after those needles were placed so carefully from head to toe on me….and when I awoke I felt like a brand new person ready to let the big and small waves come crashing at me and knock me down…knowing I’m strong enough for it…..knowing it was going to be ok to feel everything and just let it all in. I felt refreshed and exhausted all at once. Then I found myself crying the next morning but not from sadness or pain….just from an overwhelming sense of energy release; Not a bad feeling…except it came after I’d dabbed on the mascara…but that’s ok….raccoon eyes can be cleaned up and retouched.;-) Lol! 

Such an important lesson! I’ve struggled with it repeatedly in life and have to be careful not to forget! Emotions are not there to run away from, to hide away in some dark abyss inside us….when they show up perhaps it’s best to just stop to let them in and acknowledge them. Emotions are there to be felt! Love it!!! Like the heavy rain yesterday and the bright sun shining at us today…..It’s ALL GOOD!!

P.S. My acupuncturist since many of you have asked is: 
Farris Johnson @ OurSpace Acupuncture

www.ourspaceacupuncture.org

Dragonfly Messages!!?

If you had all the time in the world do you wonder how many precious new friends you would make? We meet so many interesting people yet never have sufficient time to really stop and find out more about each other-you know what I mean? -So as I was rushing out of my grueling and refreshing hot yoga class, in my bummy sweats (even as I was already fantasizing about a warm shower at home minutes after),  I landed up instead inviting someone from class impromptu to have tea with me. You see it’s one of those situations where you talk about getting together for a couple of years whenever you bump into each other but just never get around to it and eventually it feels awkward- right?  In that instant as much as I’d prefer to be showered and cleaned up first I decided to compromise-taking advantage of a spare moment -to get to know a new friend!

It was a cold-dark-night and the rain was pouring down with a vengeance as we drove in search of a place locally, then parked as close to one as possible and dashed in as fast as we could-(One of those moments! i.e. From growing up in the Middle East rain has always held some sense of movie scene like magic for me anyways!). The charming little café we stepped into is located middle of nowhere in a very non-happening neighborhood yet it felt as if we were somehow transported off into some sheikh’s fancy tent right out of old Arabian nights’ tales, with beautiful antique looking accents, a dimly lit atmosphere and a cool mix of belly-dancing to random Caribbean type chilling music. We settled ourselves into a cozy corner and started chatting over some especially yummy warm samosas and a steaming hot pot of chai with all the perfect blend of spices mixed into it. Definitely something to be said about doing things without prior planning-right!? Feels like discovering precious stolen time you didn't even know you were missing out on in the first place! A lovely rainy day treat!

The moment felt oddly significant as some moments just do as if it’s conveying a message that you feel you’re about to miss….Well! I found myself staring vaguely at the faux vintage teapot noticing a detailed single dragonfly embedded upon it. Since a butterfly for me has come to symbolize second chances and endless possibilities I thought perhaps dragonflies represent something too so I asked our waitress casually ‘do you have dragonflies on all your teapots?’ and she said ‘no…we have dozens of teapots but that’s the only one with a dragonfly on it’ so risking sounding insane I wondered aloud if there could be any symbolic meaning in it and she responded with ‘Ah! Funny you should ask! I just finished reading a book about symbolism in animals and apparently dragonflies have a ton of them!’ What are the chances!! Wow! Of course I wanted to learn more right away!! She explained that ‘dragonflies shift and move quickly to adapt with the wind….so apparently it means that anything can change anytime in any direction swiftly without notice….’ and then she got frustrated as she couldn't remember more; She said her mind blanked out on the others. For me however this was fitting! Finding only one true message in a pure and perfect moment felt all that much more poignant.  

I have learned that we have the power to change ourselves and everything around us when we put our true intent towards it-so I felt grateful for this new message and the reminder that things outside of us can also shift focus completely at any time and in any direction- and like dragonflies it’s important not to get too comfortable in any one setting but to be ready to adapt to the changing winds. Love that idea and seems worth sharing! There is much apprehension yet comfort in knowing that every moment is a gift; .....Gifts that when opened may instill in us love or hate or fear….but it’s always exciting not knowing what’s next too!

Cheers to renewals- to new beginnings and to the possibilities that each moment holds for us!! 

&- Speaking of just that-Welcome Spring!!!  

Amen to that!!!!<3

Feeling Stuck!?

There is no truth;  Only perception.

Remember that episode of Simpson’s when Homer’s hands are stuck in two vending machines- And there is a scientist, police, fire truck, ambulance etc…all gathered around trying to help free him but to no avail…...yet in the end when all rescue options have been exhausted….somebody says ‘Hey! Wait a minute! Homer-By any crazy chance you are not still holding on to that candy bar and soda can inside the machines-are you!?’ and Homer says ‘Yeah..!?Why..!?’-D’OH!!

That scene popped into my head the other day while I was at the gym on a rowing machine…you know how your mind wanders aimlessly at such times-right!?…Well it left me smiling with a profound understanding…that most of my biggest obstacles in life were actually just like that! You know when you feel like the only way out of some complex situation is via some radical and tragic solution similar to when Homer’s rescue squad was left seriously contemplating sawing his hands off to free him from the machines–Right!? So often our bad situations require us to mentally recognize our hang-ups, to let go and to allow ourselves to be freed-See!? All it takes is a change of perception or maybe the undertaking of an inconvenient action or perhaps even a series of difficult action items but in the end we truly are only as constrained as we choose to be.

Who knew Homer could offer such deep insight and important moral for us! Let go of that soda can and free yourself from whatever painful predicament (be it an unsatisfying job, or a relationship that doesn't serve you anymore, or a belief system that's holding you back, or a bad habit....or whatever it is!). Choose to break free!! It's my motto these days and I swear by it! So I wish the same for us all-

-C’MON! GET UNSTUCK ALREADY!!

Learning-Living-Life-Inspired! 

   

Just Flip-iT!!!

The whole point of starting my blog was to share the biggest lesson that changed my life but that even now I seem to forget at times-that when you are dissatisfied or morose about something….anything…..when something doesn't fit or feel right…or even feels totally impossible..…the solution is almost always too simple…..to -Just FLIP IT!!!

Flip your perspective and how you’re handling the situation! If it feels like you’re stuck trying to fit a peg into a square hole…Well! Sometimes it’s just a puzzle that once figured out you may realize is far from impossible but that the whole deal was made in fact to fit in just fine..…..even synonymous to the super square puzzles….as frustrating as it can seem to align all the colors neatly onto one face of the square….when you think you’ve got one thing sorted out finally only to discover that some other thing in your life has shifted and misaligned again..….Ahhhh!! Exasperating!! Been there, done that-Right!!? But perhaps-it is indeed meant to stack up just right after all...all along….you see!!? 

Flip-iT All!!!-To opposite thoughts, views, beliefs, approach….whatever!….. Be willing to let it go completely and then decide to see it in any and every other way than what you are already currently doing...and Voila! Turns out that is the secret! It will automatically change everything! Here is a bipolar approach to life that I know I can happily live with! Something that broke my heart yesterday now seems so totally irrelevant today…..see what I mean!? How empowering to realize how much control we have on our experiences…just like that! Thank goodness for it!!

Have a Smiling-Flip-iT -Kinda-Grand Day!! Cheers!! 

First Snow Hike!

In the past I found winters painful and insisted that since I hadn't grown up in cold countries my body was not going to adapt to it! Well in keeping with a lesson that gets reinforced often these days- we never cease to surprise ourselves when we let go of our self imposed inhibitions!-So-Voila-here is what my first winter hike of nine miles looks like.....Oh! And of course guess what...I LOVED IT!!

Yup..in love so quickly!!

Powdery-Silky-White-Snow and Bluest of skies....what's there not to love right? Bundled up just right, with appropriate footwear (and these grand things called 'katoolas' for not slipping) and moving at a steady pace...who would have guessed it!! (i.e. not me for sure) but the cold felt like ocean breeze on a summer day in no time at all....such a magical experience surprisingly....

Enjoying spotting cutesy- little friends everywhere....

And a tunnel crossing adds even more excitement....

Clear streams below the ice....gorgeous!!!

An unexpectedly charming detail again....

More fun treasures....old ruins from days past....in the midst of the forest....Wow!!

WHAT A BRILLIANT GEM OF AN EXPERIENCE!!!!

So if you are anything like I used to be.....oblivious to the glorious experiences awaiting us on gorgeous winter days....Well...what are you waiting for?!! 

GO AHEAD!!! TAKE A WALK ON THE COLD SIDE!!!

YOU WILL LOVE IT TOO!!! 

Honoring Lucky (20)13!!

I've known deep down throughout the year that this was indeed the most phenomenal year of my life-2013! So what makes a year the best? It seems only fair to reflect upon it and share it all with gratitude.

I remember in December of last year just before NYE someone asked me what I was looking for and I blurted out impulsively, intuitively that I wasn't sure but that ‘I want to matter…I want everything and everyone to matter’ and then to my surprise I found myself bursting into tears (a novel experience.…since I’d spent more than three decades forgetting how to let go and to physically cry.…I had allowed myself over the years to go numb and to forget what matters). In those last days of that year as I was walking away from 2012…(and away from the darkness that I had allowed myself to be engulfed by and hide inside of for so many years of my past).…I couldn't really comprehend those words that came out of me so impromptu.….yet in retrospect I can see now how clearly it set the precedence for the new year ahead.

2013 has been the year of reunions-of finding and rebuilding relationships with friends and family- both of old and of new, it has been the year for pushing perceived boundaries-both physical and mental, of letting go of fears,…of jumping into new adventures, of unlearning old beliefs and ideas, of opening up my mind and heart (first cautiously but then more boldly)…to see things in a new brighter light….this has been the year of self-discovery and the beginning of finding acceptance-of myself and of all around me. This is the year that I learned that similar to the chicken and egg theories- us humans are incapable of loving ourselves without loving others and loving others without loving ourselves; LOVE is the secret….but not the Hollywood or Bollywood kind….But to fall in love truly and completely with ourselves, with our lives, with all the people around us and with all of the world…to begin to unleash the magic that surrounds us.

December 2012-when I look back at pictures from previous years I can see in my eyes a shy soul peeking out from behind invisible curtains and in my posture…with my shoulders caved inwards as if wanting to return to a fetal position (which is no longer what I see in my pictures since-Thank Goodness!)….obviously at the end of that year I was still quite unsure and distrustful of life-of everything and everyone. Yet as I celebrated NYE 2013 I could feel already the transformations within; I took a very deep breath with the final countdown as if I already knew I was embarking on the most incredible journey yet…. like I was being picked up by some massive powerful invisible wave…and I was not afraid but excited and ready for it. This journey took me to places inside and out of what I thought I knew (for knowledge and understanding are two very different things)….to understand that there was meaning in where I’d been in the darkness before just as if something was also nudging me gently and strongly to open my eyes to the blinding light….to finally see with my eyes still adjusting to this brightness -the beauty that surrounds us all in our world-in our here and now.

I pray and wish that 2014 also shines brightly upon us-ALL- to guide us continuously towards finding love and gratitude everyday-all around us!! Cheers Everyone & Welcome 2014!!

Some Highlights of-A Journey....of reunions, new friends, new adventures...self-discovery and self-acceptance..........2013-In-Review: 

JANUARY & FEBRUARY: REUNIONS-Visits to Dubai and to India to reconnect with my family and my dearest old friends....meeting some after over two decades since separation....

Catching up on all our missed years apart...with my soul siblings (whether blood related or not.)...learning that our bonds are timeless indeed....

....some reunions were after more than two decades since our last meeting...while some others were long over due by even three decades of heart felt separations....

 

....Then there were some that were coming into my life from scratch.....yet it felt like they were in  my heart always......and this is perhaps due to the secret magical ingredients of family bonds...!!

MARCH & APRIL: SELF-DISCOVERY-my journey continued with learning about meditation techniques, new ways to connect with my own thoughts and feelings and ways to push past my falsely perceived limits...physically, mentally and spiritually.....

My very first taste of rock climbing....love at first climb for sure....

Hiking it up a few notches....Yes indeed feeling a great sense of 'accomplishment'

MAY: NEW BONDS-Finding new friends...seemingly from past lives....creating instant profound connections.....enriching experiences...all towards appreciating the here and now....

Little did we know! A match made in heaven this beautiful spring day! :-)

MAY & JUNE: Continued with renewed spirt for....FIRST TIME NEWADVENTURES.....facing fears and living it up a bit....

An Intro to Obstacle Course...

My first indoor climbing experience.....

My first sky diving experience....

And with the encouragement of my friend who said 'Live Big or Go Home!'...my first kayaking/Whitewater Kayaking experience....took my trust in self and surroundings to a whole new level for sure.....

My first night hike which included lots of rock scrambling...to watch sunrise from the summit of Old Rag Mountain......What a fantastic experience!

There were also adventures others got dragged to; making friends while camping.....

Finding quality time to appreciate a radiant smile from loved ones was part and parcel of 2013 too of course...naturally!

JULY: STRENGTHENING BONDS-a visit from my dearest childhood best friend from across the globe....allowed us to continue to catch up on lost years and rebuild a perfect connection that should never have been forgotten or taken for granted in the first place.....

Time to build new memories together....naturally! :-)

AUGUST & SEPTEMBER: But Of Course...the adventures got a bit more daring....

Spelunking....my bravest adventure yet!! Go figure!! YIPPY!! YIKES!!

An Intro to pole dancing....great idea for an aerobic class for sure; but realized I have lost touch with my inner ape-gene-heritage....needed to focus on building upper body strength....like female Tarzan...you never know when you need it...perhaps to hold on to the edge of a cliff for dear life or for climbing a mountain or something.....yup.....office-desk-bound-life makes us forget how important strength and coordination is....a must to maintain!!

And it was the year to take my hiking abilities up a notch...or two...ending at realizing I can do 20 miles easily enough...with a definite affinity for over 5000+ ft elevation hikes....loving this accomplishment!!

OCTOBER & NOVEMBER: More adventures & More gratitude for life and for friends....

My first intense all day out-door rock climbing class.....loved it and walked away with bruises to brag with too!! <3

SURPRISE!! A second visit from my childhood soul sister from across the globe assured me further that this was no ordinary year or phase of my life....everything feels magical as the journey continues...

My first adult Halloween Party...always wanted to go to one...so much fun!! & My Butterfly Costume...just stumbled upon me too....total serendipity for sure!!

Grateful for a perfect birthday and honored to be in the company of such amazing friends....

First painting class with more fun new friends

The Gift of-A PERFECT THANKSGIVING!!!

DECEMBER: FINDING PEACE...as the year was wrapping up I found myself feeling just a bit short on energy and inspiration...or so I thought...until I realized I was only taking some time for reflecting and coming to peace with some of the bigger questions in life...and learning to let go and accept things as they are....finding acceptance of self, world, life, passing of loved ones and of ALL that is...just as is!

Appreciating the significance of all that has come to pass....while understanding the importance of all that exists profoundly within it's own time and space-especially in the here and now!

Goodbye and Thank You 2013!!

&

WELCOME 2014!!!